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Reflection by Deacon Russ for 4th Sunday of Ordinary Time

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor for his physical. The doctor asked her for a private conversation before they left the office. “Your husband,” the doctor said, “is under a great deal of stress and you must devote your life to sheltering him. Don’t argue or disagree with him. Get up early each morning and fix his favorite breakfast. Spend the morning cleaning house but have a nice lunch ready at noon if he happens to come home. You can spend the afternoon on outside work, but make sure there is a special dinner waiting for him when he returns. The evening hours may be spent watching a game with him on TV, followed by romance should he be interested. This must be your schedule to help him through this.” The wife left the office, picked up her husband and drove him home. “Well,” said the husband, “what did the doctor say?” “He said,” replied the wife, “that you’re going to die.”

Perhaps that is what St. Paul meant when he wrote the words to the Corinthians. The unmarried person, he says, is anxious about the affairs of the Lord, how to please the Lord; but the married person is anxious about worldly affairs, about how to please a husband or wife. And he wants us to be free from all those anxieties. To most of us, those seem like rather strong and strange words. If everyone followed Paul’s advice, we would not even be here.

It seems that Paul assumed that a married man would be anxious about pleasing his wife, and a married woman would be anxious about pleasing her husband. Anxious! The dictionary gives two definitions – 1, worried and distressed about, and 2, eagerly desirous. It raises a challenging question for those of us who are married or who are planning on getting married: How often am I worried and distressed about how well I’m pleasing my wife? How often am I eagerly desirous about pleasing my husband? In the hectic pace of life that many of us live, it’s pretty easy to get engulfed in our own concerns, in our own needs, in our own hurts. And when that happens, what we say and do often distances us from and displeases our spouse.

I think the bottom line for Paul is that we are all called to be close to the Lord, to allow him to be a central part of our life, without distraction. But my wife doesn’t have to be a distraction. In fact, my wife can be the one person who helps me be close to the Lord, who shares with me God’s love and forgiveness, who unites with me in worship and prayer. When I have those days when I feel that God has forgotten or abandoned me, it is my wife who can assure me that I am still loved and cared for. And when I love and respect my wife and my family, am I not also loving God? Perhaps that’s the challenge that all of us who are married or who will be married face – to be that person for our spouse who makes the Lord’s presence real in their life.

The question is asked at times, “Is there anything more beautiful that a young man and a young woman clasping clean hands and pure hearts in the path of marriage? Can there be anything more beautiful than young love?” And the answer is, “Yes, there is a more beautiful thing. It is an old man and an old woman finishing their life’s journey together on that path. Their hands are gnarled, but still clasped; their faces are wrinkled but still radiant; their hearts are physically bowed and tired, but still strong with love and devotion for one another. Yes, there is a more beautiful thing than young love. Old love.”

There does not have to be a contest between pleasing God and pleasing our spouse. Marriage is a vocation – a calling – to follow the Lord in a specific way and, in so doing, to grow in holiness and continue the mission of Jesus in the world. When I please my wife, when you please your husband, I believe we are at the same time pleasing God. Let’s be anxious about making that happen!

If you have a brief faith reflection on today’s reading that you would like to share, please send it to me at deaconruss@holyspiritunoh.org.